Do you remember the last time you had great sex? Not just good sex but great, mind-boggling sex; the kind of sex that brings a smile to your lips when you remember the moment, remember the passion, remember the other person…

Can you recreate that moment, that passion and that feeling on demand? Can you have great sex whenever you want to?  I suspect most of you are thinking ‘Heck No’.

I want you to think back to a time when you had an amazing sexual experience. Really go back in time and reminisce. What made sex at that particular point in time so good? (Oh and my apologies to anyone who has never had amazing sex: if it’s any reassurance, you are not in a minority). Were any of these factors below a reason?

•  You fancied the other person for ages
• You spent ages flirting with the person and when you finally got together the sex was explosive
• You were feeling sexually confident and were proactive in bed: you definitely did not feel shy to say what you wanted, how you wanted it and in what position you wanted it.
• Foreplay went on and on… and on…
• You were in love
• You were head over heels in lust
• Your partner paid attention to your every need. Over  and over and over again
• You felt comfortable in your own body
• You had no doubt whatsoever in your mind that you wanted to ‘get busy’ with the other person
• You felt good about yourself post-coitus

Is there a pattern you have noticed in the list above? Is there a word that has come up again and again? Yes: YOU. Great sex is about you taking responsibility for your sexual pleasure, sexual rights and sexual health. Great sex is also about being ‘consciously competent’ about when, how and what leads to a great sex experience for you as an individual. What constitutes great sex for one person is not necessarily great sex for the next person. As an individual you need to be able to answer the following questions for yourself:

• Under what circumstances do I have great sex?
• What pleases me in bed?
• How does my emotional state affect me physically in bed?
• Do I orgasm easily?
• Do I need lots and lots of foreplay? (Hint: most women do)
• Is the right ambiance important to me? (Soft lightning, candles, nice bedding)
• Am I comfortable having casual sex?
• Do I enjoy quickies or do I prefer to take things slow?
• Do I orgasm through clitoral, vaginal or anal stimulus?
• In what positions do I have the best orgasms?

Most of us are “unconsciously incompetent” about what leads to us having great sex. Society does not encourage us to think of great sex as a right and as a goal that we should all attain to reach so sometimes great sex happens almost accidentally and in retrospect we think:

“Wow! What happened there?”

Well, that’s a great question to start with on the road to having great sex and being consciously competent on how to have great sex.

When you have been able to determine ‘exactly what happened there’ the next step then is to practice. The art of sex like most other art forms demands practice, practice, and practice.

Happy practice time!

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